An interesting question in the forum prompted me to look at wedding thank you notes and the etiquette that surrounds them. The question asked was whether or not it was acceptable for someone else to write your thank you notes as a new company was offering this service. Generally, all replies were in agreement – it was not acceptable but why is it not?
Why give thank you notes in the first place?
That may seem like a silly question but it is one that is often asked believe it or not. Some brides do think that because they thanked their guests on the wedding day itself they do not need to send out thank you notes afterwards. Others also think that the giving of wedding favors is a replacement for thank you notes. Neither of these are true.
Thank you notes are given after the wedding to thank guests for the gifts they have given. Wedding favors are given to thank guests for coming to the wedding day.
Who should write them?
Thank you notes should always be written by the bride and/or the groom and not by anyone else. The service mentioned may sound like a good idea but the notes will be so impersonal that they could potentially offend guests who have out a lot of thought (and money) into picking a wedding gift for you.
How should they be written?
Ideally you should handwrite all your thank you notes. They do not need to be very long but you should address the guest(s) by name and mention the gift they gave you. If they gave you money you should tell them what it has been spent on or what it will be spent on. Try to avoid using the same message for all, which I know will make writing your thank you’s more tiresome but it does help to make them more personal. A good approach is to come up with three or four different messages and rotate them so they do not all sound the same.
Avoid type written/printed thank you notes and never use email or text as a substitute.
When should they be sent?
After the wedding day you will probably be away on your honeymoon so the accepted timeframe for sending out your thank you’s is three months after the wedding day. Once you begin opening your gifts keep a record of who sent what to help make writing your notes easier.
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